Couples Limpias: Do Couples Who Cleanse Together Stay Together?

*I work with folks of all orientations but for the sake of this article I’m talking about hetero relationships.

One of the most interesting things I’ve observed in my work as a healer is the way women v. men manage their spiritual and energetic care. If I had to put a number on it I would say that 98% of my clients are women and one of their biggest concerns tends to be their “purpose”—family, kids, and jobs. With men their concerns tend to be their jobs, social standing, physical health and income. 

This is evident not just in what my clients tell me their concerns are but also in the messages that come through from ancestors and spirit guides. With women, spirit is generally saying “stop betraying yourself” and with men the message is usually “stop betraying.”

In my experience most (but not all) of my women clients are coming to me because they are working on self improvement, they want to be better for their families and many are concerned with not repeating generational patterns of abuse and trauma inherited from their families. A large portion of my clients are first gen daughters who are high achievers and are not feeling like they can enjoy the fruits of their labor due to childhood and intergenerational trauma.

On the other hand men tend to not be particularly concerned with purpose or intergenerational influences. Most of my male clients are simply experiencing the negative influences of their choices and character in the form of either illness, interpersonal problems, or loss of finances. I am usually their last resort in terms of “making it stop.” They tend to have childhood trauma that has not been acknowledged or integrated. Many carry a lot of anger and shame about “providing,” their past, or about the things they feel are owed to them. Many carry the burden of generational curses or curses caused by their behavior toward their children or partners.

The chasm between the two being, women are usually very concerned with putting the needs of others over their own and men are generally putting their needs over everything. And it’s very evident when it comes to healing work, especially when folks want to “heal as a couple.” Women will put the needs of their partners over theirs and become the executor of his spirituality, cleansing, grounding and protection work, while men tend to have a harder time accepting their culpability in the situation but will go along with it because it pleases their partner. At the end of the day someone is going to get burnt out and someone is going to receive the fruits of their partners effort.

If both parties are wanting to get energetic cleansing as a couple, that’s an amazing way to get on the same page and grow together. Generally when I do limpias they come with ‘platica’ and ‘consejo’— meaning conversation and advice. Oftentimes, here is where both people are given advice on how to manage their character and work toward harmony not only in their relationship but in their lives as a whole.

Limpias can help:

• identify blockages and patterns that lead to arguments
• allow for the guidance of ancestors in spirit guides
• give clarity and help with anxiety 
• give an impartial look and what is happening energetically/spiritually
• you can learn more here and here.

In all realness, when couples come to me it’s usually the woman dragging the man with her. I have even had many instances when the session is set up and paid for by wives or girlfriends and all the man has to do is show up, usually begrudgingly. 

I once had a male client show up with the entire session with all the extras was paid for by his girlfriend who was very concerned that maybe his baby mama was doing brujeria to him because she didn't want them to be together. During the session he expressed not really caring if they stayed together or not and “whatever happens, happens” when it came to their relationship. Mind you the session was almost $200 and this man was unemployed living with his girlfriend.

For this reason and a million other reasons, I do not recommend taking your partner's spiritual life into your hands or making it your responsibility. And if you are thinking of starting your spiritual journey or you’re at the beginning of it, I also do not recommend forcing them along because you want them to grow with you. The best way we can influence someone is by our own actions and by the changes we make in our own lives. The old saying applies here, “if they wanted to, they would” and we can only ever lead by example.

What I have seen over the course of my career is that one of the biggest barriers to someone’s spiritual growth and energetic care is their partner. My advice: find a partner who cares about their own growth and improving their inner world because you can’t force someone to want to heal, or cleanse, or grow. 

Everyone is on their own path. Everyone is on their own journey. It’s up to us to make sure we’re not overstaying our lessons in a way that stunts our growth. So keep cleansing babes!